But when the title, Fast and Loose, popped into my very tiny and very easily amused brain, I just had to write it up.
This is wordplay, you understand. I am not using fast and loose in the usual sense, which is reckless and irresponsible. Of course, this wordplay business is a first for me, for I am seldom one to pun and play with words. (He wrote with fingers crossed behind his back.)You see, m'dears, I went about 45 hours between morsels. I assure you that this is not my usual style — 45 minutes maybe, but 45 hours?? Seriously!?
So that was the Fast part.
But not so fast my fine,friendly folks because now cometh the Loose part.
For, in addition to starving myself for a certain medical procedure, I was also coerced into drinking copious amounts of fluids, including 2 litres/quarts of really obnoxious stuff. Truly obnoxious. I cannot stress this enough.
The evening litre of the repugnant brew was bad enough. Really bad, in fact.
But gagging down a whole litre in the morning was beyond the pale. I mean to say, it wasn't as though I had all morning to do it. Starting roughly around 7 o'clock, I was instructed to consume the whole odious litre and then guzzle 4 more glasses of clear liquid by 8:30. This is not a task for the faint-of-heart, of which club I most certainly am not a charter member.
Do not try this at home.
Check that. Only try this at home and only when you are within close proximity to a commode, bathroom, washroom, toilet, loo, potty, head, or latrine. Or all of the above.
'Cause y'see m'darlings, after drinking said obnoxious solutions, one becomes very loose indeed. But I will exercise some restraint and spare you the details without a running (ahem) commentary.
I do possess some couth and will keep the rest of this asinine procedure between my proctologist and me.
I am pretty sure I have had that same procedure with its delightful preparatory activity!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you went through. I've done it too many times to count. Some preps are better than others. The last time was December 2018.I think I have a reprieve until 2023.
ReplyDeleteWell, isn't that fun?!
ReplyDeleteYes, my hubby has been through this. Awful stuff. So much fun and games. Take it easy...
You are pretty good with the language, that's for sure. I enjoyed reminiscing about my own "fast and loose" procedure last year. The worst part is the prep. :-)
ReplyDeleteA whole lot of no fun. But the procedure saves a lot of lives.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice you can joke about it, in the past tense. And I certainly laughed with my own memories of it. So hopefully you (and I) won't need another one for a while!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a colonoscopy, yes, a colonoscopy. Hope there were no polyps or inflammation.
ReplyDeleteLovely. The description made my day.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I have not personally experienced this (but have seen my bloke suffer). Hope all went well and that you are back to eating delicious food.
ReplyDeleteIt's no fun. Necessary.
ReplyDeleteBeen there! Done that! More than once. The last time I was prepped and on the table when they told me the doctor had gone home to let his dog out!!! ...and it would be a little while before the procedure would take place! But I'm tough. I do like your play on words. Keep playing with them.
ReplyDeleteLol. A running joke, AC.
ReplyDeleteAcckkkk!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great play on words to describe a procedure that many have been through, some more than once.
ReplyDeleteYou will pass with fast and loose flying colors.
ReplyDeleteCongraats for making it through. Sounds horrible.
ReplyDeleteI went through a very similar procedure a few times. But the last test was far more moderate. I hope that all "comes out" clear as a bell, to mix a metaphor.
ReplyDelete