Wednesday, January 11, 2006

In No Time At All

I had an emotional argument with a lady hag tonight. For once I won. Of course, the hag doesn't know that because it just took place in my head. It was an argument that I've had before — many times. I'm actually getting better at it. I should be, for it's based on an incident or two that occurred a long while ago: thirty-six years ago to be pretty darn exact. For whatever reason, the music that is on shuffle mode in my brain still comes to rest on this incident every now and then, all these years later.

When my brain's playlist happens to arrest on that spot, I am transported right back to that episode, just as if I were there again. My emotions are strong, and my argument is intense. Then, I blink, realize where I am, shake my head, and try to go about my current business. It's this sort of thing that causes me to posit that time doesn't really exist. I have been told that physicists disagree with me, but it's my privilege to believe whatever I wish to believe.

Oh, I agree that there's a chronology of events: some things happened in the distant past, some things not quite so long ago, and some in the very recent past. I'll grant you that. But our minds are quite capable of hurtling through what we have come to call years with no trouble at all. And, to me, this makes the concept of time somewhat irrelevant, for in an instant I become a boy, a young man, or even the older me of my imagination. I am none of these things, but I am also all of them.



George Breed said...

Your awareness and your capability of expression are so fine!

I think of it in this way. Our Awareness is a vast realm of conscious space. Our attention roams within this realm lighting up various realities.

Everything we have ever experienced and all its permutations (and more) exist within this sphere of Awareness.

When our attention "happens to arrest on that spot," we hallucinate that reality. Part of my Awareness practice is to set an early-warning signal system for such engagings, so alarms go off immediately upon entry. I then shake my head and say "pah" and hurl it into infinity. I wish to live HERE, not in a movie of my mind.

Thank you, Anvilcloud Man! Your consciousness is mighty fine and your heart is good.

madcapmum said...

How many times have I done this myself just in the past week?!

Your physicists are telling you that time isn't all one? My physicists have been telling me exactly the opposite. Hmmm. A schism in the physics world - I hope the universe doesn't split down the middle.

Gina said...

There are innumerable moments that I wish I could go back in time and change my reaction, or non-reaction as the case may be.

My memory is excellent, though, and no matter how hard I try, I can never convince myself that I did something different.


At least you won this time! Nothing like 36 years of practice to get that precise wording down.

Love ya, AC!

Christi said...

Wait! So we don't even get to hear what the argument is about?

Granny said...

Christi, I was wondering myself.

For me it comes out of something I just call the "committees". If I tried to figure it all out (with the help of the committees of course), I'd be awake twice as long.

Our friend George says PAH, I say "thank you for sharing", but it's all the same things. GET LOST!!

Lora said...

I do the same sort of thing. It's amazing how an issue from so long ago still comes back to haunt and we still are emotionally envolved enoughh with it that it still gets your blood boiling.

Dale said...

Me too. I still get angry with Donna sometimes, (Wife #2) and fight with her in my head. We've been divorced nearly five years. It's been that long since I last saw her. The relationship was terrible, but I loved her and she broke my heart. It's been 36 years for you, AC, and you're still arguing. Sigh ...
I guess I'll never get over Donna.

Turtle Guy said...

Who cares what the arguement was about - I don't think that was the POINT of the post!

Gentlemen, AC & Dale, I understand from your words that there might be some unresolved bits and pieces surrounding your experiences. May I offer a slightly different perspective? I, too have been in loving relationships which have ended for one reason or another. The frustration I feel that makes me (rarely) want to lash out is most often a result of my not understanding. My personal experiences have been around communication issues more than issues surrounding action or compatability. It's a very rough place to be - in love and in "hate" (or more accurately, frustration) Sometimes we forget the wonderful, positive things we've experienced because our default position is so often one of "protect myself" or "I'm right!" Of course, the latter may not apply here, but it did come to mind as I had heard once with respect to petty arguements: "Would you like to be RIGHT, or would you like to be in LOVE?"

Turtle Guy said...

GEORGE - Somehow I missed your comment on the first pass... very wise words, my friend! You're consciousness of your OWN mental action is above and beyond what most might even consider.