A few days ago, Ginnie posted about a State of the Art ... for it's time, outhouse. It was a four seater, and it reminded me of the following joke. There are several versions on the Net, but in 1960 Jack Parr walked off his show after NBC censored one of the versions. Apparently however, he thought better of his action and soon returned. Whatever! I remembered this joke upon reading about Ginnie's four seater. If it's new to you, I hope you enjoy it. If you've heard/read it before I hope it causes you to chuckle one more time.
Meanwhile, let me say what a fine bunch you are. Your comments on yesterday's post were very careful, and quite a number of you chose to exercise restraint by just moving on silently. Not such a bad idea really.
In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Europe. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Council Letters
I must fess up to filching this from ChrisB at MsCellania, but I can't help myself. I thought it was the funniest thing I have come across in a long time. I don't know when I last had an endorphin release like that.
Letters to the council
Some of this is nearly English: Sentences in letters written to councils in the UK
1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow
2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage..
4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are Plain filthy.
11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is Cleared.
13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road.. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16..The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third So please send someone round to do something about it.
18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
Letters to the council
Some of this is nearly English: Sentences in letters written to councils in the UK
1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow
2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage..
4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are Plain filthy.
11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is Cleared.
13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road.. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16..The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third So please send someone round to do something about it.
18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
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