Sunday, December 31, 2006

Separate Realities

These kinds of nights happen to me periodically. Sleepless ones. Not forever sleepless; I'll get there eventually. Frequently, four o'clock represents some sort of turn-around point. If that holds, I'll be getting sleepy in less than a half hour.

I've read to Cuppa, read to myself, listened to a CD, listened to Real Live Preacher's version of the Christmas story on my iPod, and even practised a few line dances. I'd play the fiddle, but Cuppa advised me against those kinds of shenanigans on another night such as this several months ago. Oddly enough, I slept really well last night, and I'll probably be fine tomorrow night too. There's no telling when nights such as this will occur or why. It simply happens.

Sometimes, I ponder things when I'm in this state. Tonight, I pondered how my blog world and corporeal world are almost two separate entities, two circles with no overlap. It's not entirely true, of course. Some corporeal friends and kin do follow my musings, but, for example, I have (or had) a good email friend who lives in New England. We've got along quite well, even visited back and forth in body, so to speak.

But I got frustrated around the time of our move about a year and a half ago. I think the move was stressful and that was compounded by the back problems that I endured at the same time., and I didn't do very well with email for a while. I kept it up but found myself getting frustrated with having to say things that I had already said in my blog. I found it hard to fathom why she didn't read my blog, and I think my frustrations came though a few times. What can I say? I'm only human after all.

It's not as though I ever stopped writing emails, but I perhaps wrote shorter emails for a while with a greater interval between them. However, probably both before and after that period, I was then and have been now the more faithful emailer between the two of us. I tend to write soon and at some length and then wait and wait for her shorter replies. We continue to send Christmas cards and small Christmas gifts to New England but have received neither card nor gift from her either last Christmas or this. She used to send us a poinsettia — did so for a number of years. Not any more. Not even a card. I last wrote to her in mid-November and have yet to receive no a reply.

Relationships decline for various reasons. I understand and accept that. But I fuss over the blog thing. Why was she never interested in reading my thoughts and accounts in that forum? Why was it that only emails counted? It's not that I ever did or ever would stop writing emails, it's just that the blog would provide even more information for such friends.

She's not the only one. We have other friends and family who simply aren't interested. Don't get me wrong. We get along just fine and dandy when we meet and spend time together, but they care not a fig about what I or Cuppa have to say about ourselves or our thoughts in our blogs. I don't understand it. I don't say it's bad or that they're evil. I simply say that I don't understand.

I don't mean to say that I expect anyone to be held in thrall by my trenchant prose or be emotionally moved by the pictures that I post. But if I knew a friend who posted of their thoughts and doings, I rather think that I would be interested to keep up with them. What are they thinking about now? What's going on in their lives? I'd want to see their Christmas pictures. I'd just be interested.

We're all different, and it's not for me to understand everybody else, for goodness knows that I'm at pains to understand my own self. I'm simply saying that I don't understand this. I'm not condemning, just puzzling.

Are your experiences similar or otherwise? How do you explain such indifference? I welcome your thoughts.

Meanwhile, we're off to the country for New Years, but we won't be away long. And I will take the laptop, so there's even a possibility of hearing from me, even with the pathetic internet connection up there.


Anonymous said...

AC, I don't have a whole lot to compare with, as I don't particularly want my blog to be known by my friends in the workplace, and I haven't that many friends outside the workplace. I have five constant readers of my blog from real life, however: my Mama before she had surgery, a protegee who was my student, my cousin, my administrative assistant (!), and my best friend who lives far away.

What I find is that the men are not regular readers: my dad, my brother, my husband. My brother is on-and-off. My husband has a marathon catch-up reading session from time to time. But the brain of my dad is caught up with other things, I guess.

I've sometimes felt bad that some who are dear to me aren't avid readers of my writing, but then I recognize that they may be the sort who would rather experience life with me than read about it on my blog. Thing is, when they do read my blog, they tend to find some surprising things they didn't know, generally affirming.

Well, those are my thoughts. No conclusions. I don't know about you, but my posts are kind of like my babies, and I like my kin and friends to be excited to see them and to think they're beautiful. :)

Wishing you some good sleep....

Anonymous said...

Anvil, I have found that some friends are interested in my blog and others prefer the personal touch. (I could cut and paste a blog entry and they'd never know. :) It sounds like your friend is feeling neglected somehow and has begun to drift away. It's really too bad we can't be open and honest with each other about how we're feeling. We'd probably have our friends longer since there would be fewer opportunities for assumptions and misunderstandings to take root. It truly sounds to me like your friend wanted personal attention. Everyone's needs are so different in a friendship. If they're not articulated, things can happen. If you have a phone for her, call her. Ask. I'll bet she'll tell you. :)

Blogs bore some people to death and they are viewed as an on-line version of the mass-mailed impersonal xeroxed Christmas letters.



Heather Plett said...

Most of my siblings and closest friends also have blogs, so we're regular readers of each other's contemplations. However, I've told several other people I know about it and they neither comment on the blog nor in person, and I always find it a little awkward having conversations with them not knowing whether they know about what I've posted.

Heather Plett said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Julia said...

hi Anvil
Hope you had a lovely christmas and happy new year!

I know exactly what you mean = I am always hurt that my best friend and my family seem to have no interest whatsoever in reading my blog. I feel like if they had one I would want to read it. Having said that my boyfriend does have one but he never writes anything personal and rarely updates so I only look at his once a week or so. he rarely looks at mine unless I remind him to!

Mybe blogs are only interesting to other bloggers. Or maybe some people are to busy or self obsessed to want to read about other peoples thpoghts and lives. I don't know what the answer is but know that you are not alone!

Anonymous said...

Some of my friends and relatives are faithful readers of my blog; others don't want to read it all. I don't think it has to do with whether people care or not. I think that the medium is not for everyone. At first I was bothered by the ones who don't look at it; now I don't really care. Once in a while I may ask one of them to look at one specific thing I did because I think they would enjoy it. Otherwise, I don't think that much about it.

Anonymous said...

I think "the others" see blogs as something silly and therefore don't bother.

Gina said...

I think there is a misperception about blogs.

My sister, not knowing that I myself have one, was making fun of blogs, joking that she really didn't want to know about the daily schedules of people and what their cat had for dinner.

So for the uninitiated, blogs must seem to be boring, and admittedly, there are quite a few that are.

I'm sorry that you and your friend have lost touch. I hate it when that happens, and I spend lots of time trying to figure out where things went wrong, even though it may not have even been my fault at all.

Anonymous said...

AC - This post demonstrates why you have so many faithful readers. Though our lives are busy and we all have limited time and energy, we find a 'well-written' post an enjoyable diversion from the mindless moving forward that daily routines involve.

You invite us in to share your musings. In doing so we encounter ourselves in the thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams that you bravely put out there.

Friendships are interesting - one of the great mysteries. Observing those of my parents and now my own - I've decided you're pretty lucky if just a precious few really 'take' over the long haul. Hope you don't interpret your friend's falling away as your failure. Life just happens. Send her mental smiles and keep on fiddling and dancing at 4 in the morning.

You are so patient with the insomnia thing and I find that fascinating. ('Fascinating' is probably what most of my family and friends 'don't find my blog and probably explains their limited interest :0)

Debra said...

Man oh man, can I relate! You are braver than I am, for sure.... This is something I've almost blogged about, but so far, I've always chickened out. Like you, if my old friends had blogs, I would read them, like, *all the time*, so it's very hard for me to understand why friends I've had for eons don't seem to care to read my blog. Like some of your commenters mentioned, we are all different... I keep telling myself that and I'm almost convinced that applies to reading friends' blogs. Almost...heh... Thanks so much for sharing--it was like reading that great post I've had in my head, but have been too afraid to write, lest one of those old friends of mine choose that day to read what I wrote about them (which would be just my luck...heh...And heaven forbid that I could have the guts to be honest with them about this subject!). Blessings, Debra

Anonymous said...

I can relate to this! I find that some friends avoid my blog altogether. Which annoys me to some extent because when I am writing an entry or posting a picture, I am doing it not to some invisible mass, but with each of them in my mind and heart. My life is so busy these days that I find personal letters or emails can only be occasional. But I do also understand that to some (especially older friends) a blog entry feels the equivalent of a round-robin. Ah, can't please everybody I guess. Bye for now and Happy New Year!

Kila said...

I know what you mean. I'm one that does enjoy keeping up with others through their blogs.

Happy New Year to you. Glad I met you in blog world.

Valerie - Still Riding Forward said...

It's harder all the time to keep up with mulitple friends. Some of the family read here, some of the friends read here, some don't.

I'm ok what ever they choose. But I would read theirs if they had one.

Life and it's lesson are in the little details, like saving pennies and sunshine, who was here and what we did.

I do mostly write for myself, as a journal. I would write if no one read it.

Anonymous said...

As usual, I'm late to supper, and most of my thoughts on the subject have already been written here.

I'll just chime in and say that most of my non-blogger friends don't read my blog and my cats would be more likely to read it than He Who Doesn't Do Dishes. My son is interested, as is my brother who also prints it off for my dad. My co-workers read it from time to time. None of them ever comment online, although they do in person.

My son has a blog he is too busy to update, although I check it daily "just in case". I always comment on his, sometimes several times and he comments on mine once in awhile. I wish my brother would blog, he's so smart, funny and interesting (and single!), but he has too much on his plate to do it right now.

It used to bother me that HWDDD didn't take the time to read it, but it really doesn't anymore. He'd rather play spider solitaire and chat on yahoo (ok, maybe it does bother me just an eensy bit), and that's his choice.

To wrap up what has become a too-long comment, I never miss reading your blog AC. Your posts are interesting, informative and enlightening and I, for one, am thankful that you allow us to be a part of your life.

Anonymous said...

I must admit that most of my friends who know I blog and who know their way around a computer do visit my blog. But what I don't understand is why they never comment. Oh well, like you say.. it is not for me to understand the workings of others. But I do wonder about it.
Spending the New Years in the country sounds so very nice. Wishing you and Cuppa all the best in 2007. Happy New Year.

Sarah Elaine said...

My experience has been similar to yours. I started my blog when I went back to school, knowing that I could never keep up with the hand-written letters and e-mails I used to send to various family members on a weekly basis (or sometimes more frequently.) Few of them read the blog. None of them ever leave comments.

I enjoy my blog buddies, but I also wonder about the separate realities. For the moment, I can't keep up with either of them, and so, have gone into hibernation for the winter. :-)

All the best to you in 2007!

Anonymous said...

I can relate to your feelings but know that friends sometimes get lost in their own worlds. And the longer they are gone, the harder it is for them to come back. I agree with Chani, it would be easier if people would be more open, as you are.
Happy New Year

PBS said...

I love blogs and blogging but most people in my real world dismiss them with great disinterest. People seem to think that blogging is like online chats and only used to pick up people for romantic or other purposes!

There have been a couple of people who wanted to read my blog when they found out that I had one, yet I'm uncomfortable with that. I want to be able to write uncensored, like I do in my notebook journal and not worry about misunderstandings or hurt feelings. On the other hand, I'm terrible with keeping up with E-mail and have lost touch with several (formerly) good friends because of it.

Anonymous said...

I've been away from blog land more and more lately. I think it has everything to do with the intensity of the season. I found myself not even thinking in Christmas mode until the 23rd... maybe the 24th. Everything just seems to be so blasted busy... and for what? Holidays? Nuh uhh!!

Here we are on day 1 of 2007. I'm exhausted. My grandmother used to say that the best thing to do to bring in the New Year was to get a good night's sleep. I must have missed class that day.

Thinking of you. Thank you for everything, AC. You're a wonderful read and a fantastic blog buddy.

I hope 2007 brings you everything you hope for and deserve.



Ginnie said...

AC, you've hit on an interesting theme. I find that many of my age group don't know what a blog is or else they think it is offensive, a place where people gripe back and forth to each other. I think the Chat Rooms have given us a black eye. I do have 3 close friends who read my blog and then comment to me personally. I was also thrilled recently to have a young girl that I sponsor in the AA program comment on my blog post called "An Unmerry Christmas". I had no idea that she even knew I had maybe more people look than I realize. And, finally, I printed a book for my kids this Christmas that is made up of posted blogs of my childhood and they seemed thrilled to have it in book form, as opposed to reading it on the computer.