It's funny (no not funny – odd) the way that The Wheel turns. Suddenly, both in blogworld and realworld, there seems to be a plethora of problems. In blogworld, one person has a problem with her vision while another has an operation; advance to the next blogs and someone's father must endure very difficult procedures while someone else experiences significant family problems. Not only that, but in realworld, three people that I know are experiencing health-related difficulties.
We had our own trauma the other day. Butterfly emailed to inform us that Sumdge might have serious defects. She concluded this from a call to get right in to see the doctor regarding results from those tests that they do now. She writes about it in A Day I'd Rather Forget.
She emailed us because she was unable to speak at the time. We were gob-smacked because, based on our information at the time, the prognostication seemed very serious indeed. She has since visited the doctor, two doctors in fact, and it seems that the test results were pretty well in the normal range. Yes, because she is in her mid-thirties, the chances for genetic flaws do increase, but the odds are still very much with Smudge.
But we didn't know that at the time, and it was very difficult to bear – so very difficult. Butterfly has waited for a long time to become a mother. What if difficulties could lead to a still birth or any number of dire problems? How would she cope? How would Smudge cope? How would we cope? Of course, we would cope; we'd find a way, but for a while there, I faced the plausible reality of a huge loss. You see, the truth is that I love little Smudge already. I've seen his/her pictures and heard his/her heart beat, and I am smitten. Smudge is real and precious.
When Butterfly first announced the blessed event back in August and cautioned us that these were early days and not to get too excited, I decided that I would get excited. I would enjoy the anticipation and be happy. If things went wrong later, I would deal with that then. On Tuesday, although I was still hopeful, I also realized that we were quite possibly facing our worst fears. It was hard – very hard. Nevertheless, even then, I was thankful for the joy that I had allowed myself to experience.
Despite the recent cautionary note, I will continue to do that as best as I am able.