Friday, November 03, 2006

A Close Call

It's funny (no not funny – odd) the way that The Wheel turns. Suddenly, both in blogworld and realworld, there seems to be a plethora of problems. In blogworld, one person has a problem with her vision while another has an operation; advance to the next blogs and someone's father must endure very difficult procedures while someone else experiences significant family problems. Not only that, but in realworld, three people that I know are experiencing health-related difficulties.


We had our own trauma the other day. Butterfly emailed to inform us that Sumdge might have serious defects. She concluded this from a call to get right in to see the doctor regarding results from those tests that they do now. She writes about it in A Day I'd Rather Forget.


She emailed us because she was unable to speak at the time. We were gob-smacked because, based on our information at the time, the prognostication seemed very serious indeed. She has since visited the doctor, two doctors in fact, and it seems that the test results were pretty well in the normal range. Yes, because she is in her mid-thirties, the chances for genetic flaws do increase, but the odds are still very much with Smudge.


But we didn't know that at the time, and it was very difficult to bear – so very difficult. Butterfly has waited for a long time to become a mother. What if difficulties could lead to a still birth or any number of dire problems? How would she cope? How would Smudge cope? How would we cope? Of course, we would cope; we'd find a way, but for a while there, I faced the plausible reality of a huge loss. You see, the truth is that I love little Smudge already. I've seen his/her pictures and heard his/her heart beat, and I am smitten. Smudge is real and precious.


When Butterfly first announced the blessed event back in August and cautioned us that these were early days and not to get too excited, I decided that I would get excited. I would enjoy the anticipation and be happy. If things went wrong later, I would deal with that then. On Tuesday, although I was still hopeful, I also realized that we were quite possibly facing our worst fears. It was hard – very hard. Nevertheless, even then, I was thankful for the joy that I had allowed myself to experience.


Despite the recent cautionary note, I will continue to do that as best as I am able.

14 comments:

Karla said...

Butterfly, The Boy, Smudge, and you and Cuppa will remain heavily in my thoughts AC.

Coll said...

My "grandma eyes" filled with tears as I read your words. I so understand how you are feeling and how very much you love your little Smudge. Hoping and praying for you all.

Gina said...

I wish the best for you all in these difficult times.

Valerie - Riding Solo said...

I just want to add that most little smuges are a lot more resiliant and durable than you would think, keep your hopes up and your thoughts positive, it's good for the baby.

Won't hurt you any, either, now that I think about it.

Tie large knot, hang on.

Turtle Guy said...

Hang in there! To echo Valerie, resilliance runs rampant in us human beings. I'd read a study somewhere about a group of scientists who have discovered that the structure of the human body is such that it is designed to survive far beyond our average... what is it... 75 or 80 years? I can't imagine that the same resilliance doesn't exisit in the primary stages as well.

My sister lost her first, and it was rough. Sadly - or not - I was oblivious on the emotional side. I knew she was expecting, but otherwise I had not become "attached". She's since had three beautiful souls and life in their home is full, rich and wonderful.

Anonymous said...

I could not even let my mind wander to the thought of something happening to your grandchild.

That 'grandchild love' is SO strong! Somehow, I had foolishly thought it could not be as strong as what I felt for my children. But it IS. It just IS.

Judy - Anybody Home - www.judyh58.blogspot.com

Cathy said...

I just got off the phone with a dear friend who is worried as you are now. Yes, this has been a strange fall. But, as I told firt-time-grandma-to-be, Patty, that my radiologist husband explains that the physcians are always hyper-vigilant with pregnancies because the feel they can miss not the tiniest anomaly for fear of yes - the ugly, unfortunate reality - law suits. So I'm guessing that there is a lot of anxiety generated with this modern technology that our ancestors were spared and everything came out just fine - as I'm sure will be the case for your precious 'Smudge'.

Maya's Granny said...

AC, Know that our thoughts are with you and Cuppa and Butterfly and Smudge.

Ginnie said...

Fear of the unknown has to be the worst there is. I pray that all will be well.

Bonita said...

Dear little Smudge is cherished. Love just blossoms, regardless of the whims and vagaries of life. I hope all will go well.

Heather said...

I was thinking the same thing - that lots of people in blogland and elsewhere seem to be suffering at the same time.

I sure home little Smudge is alright. I know how scary that can be.

Anonymous said...

Butterfly told you not to get too excited but you did anyway. I think it would be impossible not to be excited about a wonderful event such as this one. My thoughts and prayers are with little Smudge and all of you.

Norma said...

Your whole family is in the prayer job jar.

Granny said...

Most of the doctors' reports seemed reassuring. Try to think of that instead of something that most likely won't happen.

I'll keep you all in my prayers.