Every now and then, I am reminded of my mortality.
In the summer when I turned 40, I remember walking by a graveyard, and it hit me that I was, quite possibly, halfway to being there. It was different than just knowing that I will die in the bye and bye because we know that all of the time, but there was a new realization of reality on that day.
It is not something that I dwell on, but on Christmas Day this year, I wondered if this one could possibly be my last one.
We were at the kids house, and for some reason, I felt unsteady every time that I got up. I would get up and take a beat to steady my unsteady self before proceeding on in my petty pace. That is when I thought the thought, not in a morbid way, but simply with a realization that it was within the realm of possibility that this could be my last Christmas.
I don’t know why I was feeling unsteady on the morning. I do get up and down all of the time without experiencing that feeling, save every now and then at night, as I have posted here twice this year.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am far from predicting my departure. I do think the chances of my being here are very good. In point of fact, I expect to see next Christmas, but there was just a dawning on that day that went beyond the usual background knowledge that we all have of our mortality. It was a momentary realization and not a doomsday prediction.
Happy New Year
That same thought has also occurred to me, AC, and more often with the ending of the year. It’s a realization that many others of our age group and beyond have in common. Spending time with those you love and who love you is something to cherish even more so as this year wanes. Happy & Healthy 2026 to you and Sue.
ReplyDeleteIt is better to think and take care of things before hand than it is to wait until afterwards. We are never actually prepared fully.
ReplyDeleteI hope your unease settles some.
When I was about 60 the thought popped into my head that I hade more years behind me than ahead of me. That was my first actual consideration of mortality. Next year we will virtual high-five another year behind us.
ReplyDeleteI'm at the age where I've outlived almost all my age cohort of friends, so mortality is ever present. I've made what arrangements I can to spare my son a lot of work. Meanwhile I'm having a very nice time!
ReplyDeleteFunny you should mention how close death is as we age. Dan just told me that 40% of our cohort has passed on. He's been working on green burials and allowing for them here in our township. Selectman are not too keen on the idea because they have no place to store bodies over the winter. A neighboring township would charge us double because we don't live there but they do have place for storing over winter if they can't dig a grave. If you're not familiar with green burials google it.
ReplyDeleteLooks like in 2026 we will make the arrangements so survivor or daughters don't have to. My parents prearranged their cremations and had a plot purchased long before they departed this world.
Oh, and Happy New Year. Hope you both are on the mend. Just read today that a strain of influenza not covered by the flu shot this year is making the rounds.
I get those thoughts more as I get older. And any moment of not feeling normal weighs on me more than it used to. I do hope you're feeling a little better today from your cold/flu.
ReplyDeleteOh, AC. This is so well written: authentic, thoughtful, tender. Our minds are a bit like icebergs aren't they? Thank you for taking us just below the surface and yes, yes, yes to normalizing this topic. Your words prompt me to appreciate and celebrate this one life and it reminds me that the reality of death is why life is so precious.
ReplyDeleteVery touching post. We never know when we will die, I just try to do the best I can every day and cherish each moment.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a speedy recovery 🙏 ❤️
Dear Mr. AC, please check your blood pressure before getting up. Drink more fluids. March in place when you stand, and sit back down if feeling dizzy. Take notes and chat with your doc. Better than expiring early from hitting your head on a coffee table. Yep, I've seen it. Old RN Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've been taking my BP a bit lately. It is running high for the most part. If it continues, I'll make an appt next week after New Years.
DeleteI am trying to be careful at night and will take a beat to steady myself if necessary, even to sit back down.
DeleteI'm 55 and I think about it quite often because my mom, her parents and my husband all passed away when they were 59 and 60 years old. Sometimes I wonder if that will be me too.
ReplyDeleteLately I have been struck by the number of obituaries I am reading of 'kids' I went to school with. Something that popped into MY head was that every year we unconsciously live the 'anniversary' of the day we will die. That is morbid.
ReplyDeleteabout the lives of people I went to school with.
Ignore that last line. Got distracted by a cat and his hairball.
ReplyDeleteYes. Indeed. I caught myself wondering if I had seen my last spring, green and new leaves as I stared at the snow yesterday. Yikes. I like the replies you have that say to be prepared. Good advice and good strong people do that.
ReplyDeleteThose sudden, quiet moments of clarity about our fragility can be unsettling yet grounding
ReplyDeleteI've felt that way too, especially whenever I have any illness. I told my daughters last year that I thought this would be their grandma's last set of holidays...and they were. So, we enjoyed them to the max!
ReplyDeleteMy older friend is always talking about how old people are for all they are able to do...and she figures because she's in pretty good shape and has good genes from a family that lived to it's 90s, she'll probably outlive all of us (me in my 80s and even friends in their 60s!) With all my ailments, I figure anytime I might be gone...at least from this "earthly coil." But I do try to live each day as much as I can...and not postpone some of the great pleasures available to us in this age. Happy New Year to you all, and I do hope your colds (?) are better soon!
ReplyDeleteOh, heavens--I've had that same thought. I don't think it's morbid or predictive, just realistic at my time of life.
ReplyDeleteWith losing family and friends recently, the thought has popped into my head a lot lately. A quote from a friend many years ago, "Getting old is not for sissies" and the other one when another friend, older than me, got up and groaned at the effort said, after I expressed concern, "Don't worry, at this age we come with sound effects." A nosy question perhaps but one out of concern. Do you stay hydrated enough? My husband fainted for the first time in our married life last year, and the doctor told him he needed to stay more hydrated. He was also getting over Covid mind you.
ReplyDeleteI understand those feelings. But the good thing is that just because we have the thought doesn't mean it's going to happen. Otherwise, we'd all be in big trouble. You've got time. You'd better have it!
ReplyDeleteI took think about "the end". I don't consider it morbid, but more practical and honest than anything. And speaking of practicality,AC,I wonder if your unsteadiness is actually due to your cold and your stuffy head? Certainly has that effect on me!
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope you are still here to entertain and charm us with your photos and thoughts right on through the coming year.
And of course, you know it was on our minds before the end of the year. Actually I feel like I'm in worse shape than Art. He still jogs about 7 miles once a week. If I walk a mile, I think that's pretty darn good. I do want you to always be here though, John. I love having a Canadian cyber friend. Have a very happy and HEALTHY 2026!
ReplyDeleteI think it’s natural at our age to wonder…ponder…the conclusion of our lives. I’ve been wondering about it myself. If you have a mate, you can’t help but look at them and ask yourself just how in the world did we get here?!
ReplyDeleteBut, I am Not afraid…I once had a dream that took me out of the bounds of Earth and flew me to the rings of Saturn. How wonderful the prospect of being free from all this physical encumbrance…but also noting that I’m certainly not ready to spread my wings, quite yet. We both have a lot to look forward to AC…can’t wait to see what this new year brings.
Happy New Year
Hugs
Donna
I go through those feelings when friends and relatives die. I’ve come to appreciate the everyday moments more because of it. Here’s to another great year ahead, AC!
ReplyDeleteI think as I age, I know that one day there will not be anothr year ahead. It happens to all of us, it's inevitable, and we don't know when it will come to pass. Happy New Year, AC. And many more.
ReplyDeleteEvery now and then my body quietly reminds me that I might be mortal too. But at least when you nearly died already, it's not as scary!
ReplyDeleteJoe has a cane beside his chair as he is often wobbly when he stands up. I hear you!
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