Not too very long ago, I watched Oprah and Dr Robin Smith counsel a couple regarding their impending marriage. The couple was in their thirties; the bride-to-be was experiencing some little doubts and reservations. Oprah was adamant that you always listen to that little voice. Smith believes that you shouldn't get married until you could show up in truth. I probably recall and summarize dimly and inadequately, but that is more or less the sum and substance as I remember it.
I admire both ladies, their intelligence and perspicacity. Robin is amazing, and Oprah is ... well, she's Oprah, and I would be foolish to argue against either. Of course, you should listen to your inner voice; of course, you should show up to the marriage as a truthful, genuine, and engaged person. To some extent, however, I couldn't help but feel that both ladies were running their agendas. Oprah exults about never being married, and it was my sense that she wished that for others. Dr Smith appeared to have had a less than satisfactory marriage and may have been projecting her experiences onto this couple. Perhaps not: they are both much more intelligent than I. Besides that, I have my own filters that are too often wrong.
It's not all about character, I suppose, but character is very important in my little opinion. You can be young, not fully formed, but if you have character and integrity, you can make it work. Not that I'd advise youth to rush into the holy state ... I'm just saying that it's possible. It's possible, even against the odds.
Cuppa and I celebrated our 37th anniversary yesterday. Good grief. Obviously, we married young, and, just as obviously, we made a go of it. It wasn't a struggle against all odds either. In fact, it has been a rather smooth voyage, not one over choppy waters, not one that tempest-tossed us mercilessly in squally seas.
Yes, I think that character, commitment, integrity, and sincerity are pretty darn important, and I rather think that Oprah and Dr Robin would agree. We're probably not even saying anything really different, maybe just emphasizing different sides of the same coin of truth.
The old couple enjoying a mountaintop experience in Sedona, Arizona.
Congratulations! I wish you many more...
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary to 2 of my favourite bloggers! You're an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary indeed!
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary to both of you!
ReplyDeleteIf I read you correctly, I think you are saying that you don't necessarily have to have all your ducks in a row, so to speak, before you get married. I agree. I didn't watch the Oprah program, but I think that when you hear the inner voice, you should listen to it, analyze what it may be coming from, and decide whether it has validity.
At risk of sharing too much information, I had a few worries even up to 2 weeks before the wedding. However, I recognized that my worries weren't about my fiance; they were about the fact that he was still showing signs of some connectedness to his former wife, who had left him years ago. I wondered if she'd always be an invisible inhabitant of our house. When I considered it, I recognized it as a sign of his loyal nature, trusted that he'd continue to make the transition until she was no longer with us, and continued with our plans.
I was right.
Some people aren't ready, and it works. Some people have the perfect courtship with no doubts, and it doesn't work.
There is no fool-proof way to ensure it's a forever thing, eh?
Well done, AC! Congratulations! Cuppa, too.
ReplyDelete"... you should show up to the marriage as a truthful, genuine, and engaged person."
I've been twice married and as many times divorced. Although I'll admit to being neither truthful nor genuine, I was definitely engaged. I reckon most are before they get married. LOL!
It is worth the work - that's what I say to myself, as my husband and I are absolute opposites. Congratulations to you and Cuppa.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful! 37 years of marriage.. and a good marriage at that.. is quite an accomplishment in this day and age. A big congrats to you both. :-)
ReplyDeleteThirty-seven years.
ReplyDeleteThat's fantastic!
Oh my goodness! Don't tell me a whole year has passed since your last anniversary where you posted that darling picture of you and Cuppa smooching! I still remember that like it was yesterday.
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary!
I can't stress enough how happy I am for you both!! And thank you for this post. Showing up in truth to a marriage, a relationship, even a friendship is so vitally important.
ReplyDeleteAs for the voyage, I'm so very glad to hear yours has been one of ease. There are those who simply belong together and there are those who struggle because they're not and wish it to be.
My parents belong together - 40 years upcoming in '07, my sister and her husband even "look right" together - lucky 13 years in February 06.
One day for me, perhaps.
Cheers to your joy and happiness!
Happy Anniversary - 37 years is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI've learned to listen to the inner voice but not to follow it blindly. For me it usually means to slow down and think, a lesson I haven't learned completely and probably never will.
What a lovely post. Happy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteHappy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteI think my thoughts have already been well expressed by others here. Listening to that inner voice is important, but it should be analyzed and understood before decisions are made based on it.
Ginger said all this better than I could.
I've been married 11 years. We have had a few choppy waters, but the vast majority of it has been very good.
I expect to be writing my own such post 26 years from now.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the coolest couple i know! I mean that too--love you guys! hope you celebrated with a little line-dancing ;)
ReplyDeleteA goodly number of years! Congratulations indeed! We enter our 34th year this year. Cannot say that it has been a perfect ride...pretty choppy at times. But GOD has been the glue that has held us together and we are grateful to have reached today.
ReplyDeleteFabulous! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteImagine if we applied that standard to other relationships - no children, no friends, until you were sure that you'd never have mixed feelings. Good grief.
Ach, so late! But the wishes are just as sincere, Happy Anniversary to my favorite blogging couple.
ReplyDeleteIn 1939 my parents were married. Mother was not quite 17 and Daddy not quite 19. They had been married for over 61 years when they both passed away within weeks of each other still deeply in love with each other.
ReplyDeleteI can't say they never fought with each other. They had some good ones. I can't say they did not have some rough waters. But they were totally committed to each other and their marriage. They always made up. Plus they had the support of their family and the community, which I believe is lacking in today's world and may be why so many marriages fail.
Happy Anniversary!
Happy anniversary to my favorite married bloggers! You are an inspiration. (You should be on Oprah.)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree that you should listen to that little inside voice, I think that having doubts in a natural process in letting go and fully commiting to a marriage.
Congrats to you both....marriage is not easy, a daily committment to love never is...but wonderful when it works....
ReplyDeleteJill and I just hit 33 years...we hope for many more, and that is my hope for you both.......