Not So Glory-ous

I step into the shower and hear Hark the Herald Angels Sing.

While puttering in the kitchen, O Come All Ye Faithful is playing.

I sit at the computer, as I am now doing, and I listen to It Came Upon the Midnight Clear.

I have recently heard Gloria in Excelsis Deo and one or two other carols that I cannot remember at this moment. Oh wait! One was Once in Royal David’s City. The non-carol, Onward Christian Soldiers, occasionally sounds its trumpets, as it were.

Sometimes I report the music to Sue, but she can't hear it, for these are my earworms, and they are playing constantly — incessantly. This doubtless indicates that my grip on sanity is slipping, and if that is not the case, it soon will be because the music is beginning to drive me crazy.

But wait! There's more!

This music is playing over top of or in harmony with my normal tinnitus. I have experienced tinnitus for a long time: something like a motor running constantly in the background. I cannot control this regular, typical tinnitus, but at least I don't always notice it.

But now with the overlaying earworm(s), it is harder to ignore.

The music drones on in the same frequency range as the normal tinnitus. Unfortunately, whatever the tune of the moment, it is more or less the same few bars that seem to repeat over and over and over again, ad nauseum.

Sometimes, however, the song changes. Last evening I informed Sue from time to time of my current song. At that point, they seemed to be shuffling fairly frequently. Usually, however, the same bits keep on repeating themselves. 

To some extent, if I concentrate, I can change the tune. I am doing it right now: from Hark to Faithful. Unfortunately, I cannot stop the music entirely. If I concentrate hard enough, I can stop it for seconds and just hear the raging tinnitus. Of course, I can't cease the usual tinnitus — ever!

Having said that, I just noticed that the tune has just now transposed from O Come All Ye Faithful to Once in Royal David's City. Don't ask me how or why.

First thing in the morning, I may enjoy some respite from the music and just hear the normal tinnitus sound. It's a welcome but temporary relief, for the music soon recommences its incessant droning.

When I go to bed, I am having to play a podcast in my almost deaf ears to try to override the music or at least take what passes for my mind away from it.

This is my life. When Christmas is finally over, it is my hope that this will abate, but I fear that is faint hope indeed.

One thing I should make clear is that if my mind becomes fully engaged in something or other, I don't hear either the music or the normal tinnitus. I assume that it is still playing but that my mind is being shifted to tv or just an absorbing task. Even now, writing this, when I become totally involved in thoughts and crafting words, I tend not to hear it, but the second that my mind is less engaged with the task at hand, the sounds resume noticeably. Then, it becomes like the tree in the forest question: If a tree falls in the forest but no one hears it, does it make a noise?

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It is now Wednesday, January 07. What I wrote about ear worms, above, more than a week ago, remains the case — constantly, Oddly enough, once Christmas passed, my brain didn’t play the carols so much anymore. This morning, I am Standing on the Promises, over and over and over again. Apparently, this will be my life from now until the end — an atheist constantly playing church hymns.

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For a lighter touch, just after finishing, I just came across this in FB. The caption read: Gloria …. in Excel Sheets.