Y'know what? I didn't know the guy staring back. I am being serious. There was a stranger looking back at me. Frankly, my dear, it was a tad disconcerting.
I looked again the next day with pretty much the same result. I knew it was me looking in, but it didn't seem to be me looking back.
Of course, I look in the mirror all of the time, but I guess I haven't really been seeing in some sense. I do know what I look like in reality, but it doesn't match the image that I carry around in my head and in my dreams.
Here I am in my present state, more or less. It's not that I think I look terrible, and I am not fishing for compliments. I am just saying that, somehow, it isn't the core image that I have of me.
Just a day later, I was browsing through some old pictures, and I found this of me and Allyson when she was likely about the age that Danica is now. This is closer to my self image; at least I recognize myself.
This one with Shauna is about ten years earlier and might even be closer to what I am talking about.
But when you come right down to it, this next one, from almost 45 years ago, is the closest to me in my dreams. By the way, I don't think I really see myself in my dreams, but it's the impression that I have.
It's my university graduation photo from my early twenties. I have worn a beard for most of my adult life. I actually grew my first one before I turned twenty. But for some reason, this unshaven look is still what seems to be my closest self image, even almost 45 years later. Strange.
I know this probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but me, and I'm not even sure about me.
Meanwhile, if you want to see the old and fat me in my swim trunks and throwing the grandkids in a pool, stay tuned — towards the end of this video. I have a nerve to post this, but what the heck. We only got into the pool once in our last session. I hope we do better this week.