Saturday, April 07, 2007

Ennui

en·nui: ahn WEE –noun - a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom: The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui. (Dictionary.com)

I don't know about the discontent part, but I'll go along with lack of interest ... and boredom. Yes, AC is suffering from ennui.

Although it's strange to blog about not wanting to blog, I don't want to. I'm doing it because I can't sleep again and am at a loss because I don't want to read either or watch TV or do anything else that ordinary people might do. I've been that way for a few days now. It's not like me, but it is my present reality.

It's too much effort to blog or do any of the other things that I usually like doing: taking pictures, posting them on Flickr, experimenting with Photoshop. I don't want to exercise or practise choir numbers or read books (I have read three lately) or watch television or write emails. And I can't fiddle because I'm trying to rehabilitate my arthritic fingers, an effort which is not exactly paying off. It's not that I want to not do any of these things;it's simply that I can't be bothered to do any of them if that makes any sense.

We have plans to go to the west coast to visit Althegal and Powerpuff in June. I opened a travel book tonight. Could care less. Am not excited. The trip seems too much bother. Don't even want to go right about now.

Maybe I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for certain shoes to drop. Waiting for spring (it snowed again tonight for crying out loud) and the things that we do when it comes: gardening, cycling, soaking up sunlight and breathing the freshness. Maybe I'm waiting for Smudge to make her grand entry into the world as we know it. Maybe when those changes occur, interest in life will be re-kindled. I hope.

Meanwhile, Ennui is my companion, even though I don't like her very much. I'm tired, but it would be futile to try to sleep just yet (it's only 12:30, you see). It was just a half hour or so ago that I got up after an exasperating attempt and woke Cuppa in the process. She wanted to know what all of the swearing was about. But I was just cussing at my new mistress: Ennui. It's a pretty French name, but she's an ugly, old biddy let me tell ya.

16 comments:

Gina said...

I hear you, AC. I'm in something similar, although I'm guessing it has more to do with just trying to adjust to our new daily schedule and so far not doing a great job.

But, for the first time, I have felt indifferent toward blogging, which alarms me. I actually thought about voluntarily taking a week or so off.

Hopefully, we can shake off the blahs soon enough.

oshee said...

I do understand..and I went a week without posting..and then when I finally did melancholy oozed out.

I wish you sunshine.

Granny said...

I think I understand too although mine seems to have finally lifted, at least for a while. I call it the "blahs" which is Annspeak for ennui.

Perhaps you're correct and a change in your weather will make a difference.

Pearl said...

Snow helping at all? Hurry up and wait I s'pose. First baby giggle should help.

Cathy said...

My dear AC - May I recommend you take up with another mistress? Lunesta is so tender as she lies aside you . . .er - 'inside' you. "Sleep," she whispers. "Sleep."

I've been where you are. Things will look up. These troughs are the pits, eh? If you want anymore support or info regarding my experience with sleep aids - I'm at mushduck@yahoo.com. Hang in there. Spring will return along with your smile.

Laurie said...

Sleep and I have been strangers for years. I've tried medication, meditation, more exercise, less exercise, yoga, tai chi...all for naught. I rarely, if ever, slept more than 3 or 4 hours at a stretch.

Then my doctor introduced me to Temazapan. It's a nifty little sleep aid (cheap too) that really does the trick. I am supposed to use it every night, but rarely do. It is a godsend, though and maybe something you should try?

Pam said...

Ah yes, I know this mistress. She usually visits me when days are short and darkness long, then again if spring is late.

A wee fist curled around your finger and the coming of spring should help. Hang in there, AC.

Thailand Gal said...

Been there, done that.. too many times to recall. The tide is in. The tide is out. Ennui serves a purpose, believe it or not.

It's your spirit's way of saying "I need your attention".

:)

Sleeping: I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time since that typical female rite of passage all of us over 50 know.


Peace,


~Chani

Coll said...

I heard somewhere recently that this "suffering from ennui" is very prevalent this time of year.. more so than at any other time of the year. This surprised me and yet.. I am feeling it too. I also heard somewhere (else) that the best thing to do is to recognize the feeling, acknowledge it.. and then carry on as best you can. That is what I am trying to do. You may have noticed, I am not blogging much these days either. But I know I will again.. once my own ennui takes a hike. :-)

mreddie said...

Your inner self is just waiting for spring, that's it, got to be. Of course, if that doesn't work, grandparentship or hood will almost certainly do the trick. At least it did and does for me. ec

Bonita said...

Sooooo many good suggestions here from your friends, AC.

You say you are not interested in TV, but I'd like to recommend that you watch for a beautiful series on the Discovery Channel called "Planet Earth". (I'm not sure if you get U.S.A. channels up there, but, I'll urge anyone to watch this.) The photography is stunningly beautiful.

Turtle Guy said...

We must be on the same cosmic plain... (plane? plhaine? ...whatever...) I was in Ontario a couple weeks back, and it was cold and sleety and not really much like Spring... unless you feel that in Canada, that IS spring. I came home to much the same, and it hasn't let up. Got the flu yesterday afternoon, and have been up and down every couple hours. I feel your pain.

ChrisB said...

Hang in there AC as soon as you get the warmth of the sun on your body 'mistress ennui' will hopefully disappear. ;-)

Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

You are to polite to speak of your French mistress, "ennui". I suffer from the whore, depression, that saps all your energy and brings you no joy.

I think it is a result of a Winter that just won't let us go free.

Hang tough! Think of the delights of May.

Linda said...

If this carries on for more than a month, you should see your doctor. I felt like that for months before I began anti-depressant meds. They were the best thing for me. She also provided me with sleeping pills that I rarely need now but were much better than the over the counter sleeping aids.

Mel said...

I always blame hormones when I feel like that, which I most definitely do from time to time. However, with four kids, I have no time to linger with ennui. Alas.